The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys--Throwback Thursday Reviews are Back Bitch

Thanks to my friend Tyanna, I got my first official review request. Love you girl! She asked me to watch this movie, one that I'd never seen before, let alone heard of. This movie was released in 2002 back when I was in my movie dark ages because Malaysia is ridiculous when it comes to movie releases and we often miss out on little gems. I wonder how many of you guys actually saw this too. So with that in mind, let's get this Throwback Thursday Party started!!!

Check out the old-school vibe of the trailer. I miss the 90's. Yeah yeah this came out in 2002 but it still has that 90's feel to it. It also starts a little Emile Hirsch that I can't necessarily or legally perv on. Regardless of that this film made me feel nostalgic in the right way though I did have one issue with the film. Below are my thoughts on the movie.

1) Nostalgia galore
This movie is basically:

90's kids, ya'll feelin me? The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys is a story about a group of friends who love comics and are trying to create comic versions of themselves. The catch, they're in Catholic school. Bam, religion strikes again! So, naturally, their nun/teacher becomes the main villain in the comics. It's totally adorable and funny. Every screen time that revolves around the four friends or even a fraction of them is a delight to watch. 

The comic scenes got me right in the childhood in the right way possible. This movie is rated R so some of those beloved comic book scenes are grotesque and you'll be fine with it cuz you're a grown ass man/woman. It's the perfect combination of new found maturity and nostalgia whenever the comic scenes pop on screen. It also acts as an internal monologue for Emile Hirsch's character Francis.

The movie does take some emotional turns along the way which slightly derails you from what you might have thought you were going to watch. It's an indie film, what do you expect? They try to be unconventional in their own low-budget way. Kieran Culkin (little brother of Home Alone's Macaulay Culkin) plays Timmy, who was my favorite character in the movie. There's a lot going on for that character and he tries to overcome it by suggesting unusual things to do to get over his "boredom". He was well panned out as a character and beautifully executed by little Culkin. Though if I'm being honest, I was kind of hoping to see this expression somewhere along the movie:

Though I was initially shocked by the twists and turns the movie kept taking, I ultimately buckled down to enjoy the ride. The ending was just.........I'm not going to spoil it for you but it's not what you're expecting and we'll leave it at that. Let's just say I started the movie in one mood and 180-ed my way to another. However, it surprisingly works in favor of the movie and its characters.

It's a coming of age film. A film where 14 year olds drink, smoke, do drugs, swear, and go to second base if they're lucky (though some aim for a home run). It's kind of funny to watch when you don't have kids of your own but I wonder how comfortable adults will be watching such things play out on screen. Damn you movies! You're giving away all our secrets. 

I did enjoy this movie for the most part, but one thing in particular kind of bothered the shit out of me. The romantic story line in it. For some reason I could not stand Jena Malone and her character in the movie. I also found the dialogue to be super cheesy and cliche. When I hear Twilight like dialogue being used by 14 year olds waaaay before Twilight was released, you know I'm going to lose it. It just wasn't believable. I wanted to fast forward every scene that just involved Margie (that's the annoying little brat's name) and Francis. I love a good romance and teen romances are sweet; they're innocent and exploring with each other, they're going to remember their first flirtation with what they thought was love, it's usually beautiful and memorable but this one was:

I think if the dialogue was better, then maybe, just maybe, the romantic story line could have been saved. "I can't breathe when I'm near you" or "I think of you every night that I can't sleep". Dude really? Go see a doctor, it appears you're suffering from either sleep apnea, asthma, or some kind of heart disease. Diseases are not romantic. My friend Delton who's a movie buff like me said that we need to do to bad romantic plots, what the Joker did to Rachel Dawes in The Dark Knight.

I did enjoy the movie though, it kept me engrossed and entertained, it took me back to my childhood while leaving some adult part of me in there, and it turned my feelings inside out in a good way. I think I would have given this a perfect score if the romance was improved upon or just plain out omitted. And with that I give The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys 
A Great Watch if You Can Get Past a Bad Teen Romance (aka 4/5 stars)

Sorry I had to. Well there you go. I actually managed another Throwback Thursday. How about that? Hope you had a Reel Good Time and see you guys soon!!!

-Vidya